Running to distraction

Running too, running away, whatever. I feel a bit sheepish to admit that I would rather focus on something physical than the emotion roller-coaster I have been on this week.  Does that ever happen to you? Dang, and here I thought I was perfect, enlightened and cured! Process not event, process not event! Sometimes we trip over that wrinkle in the carpet, and get smacked back to reality and the next part of the personal journey.

So, the chimney on my fixer-upper house needs some serious attention. Waaaay serious. Way, way more serious than we originally thought. Fixable though. But one of those things that are easy to ignore, was easy to ignore til I saw that big hunk  missing. And admitted that the damp fiery smell was not normal.

Lou the chimney guy was up on the roof today, and got a good look at what you can’t see from the ground, even from a ladder.  The pitch of my roof is so steep that organic matter has been building up between the roof and the chimney so long that a little tree was growing there. There was actually some awesome compost up there, a few large flowerpots full. And there’s a fix for that, so it won’t happen after the chimney is repaired.

There is also a second flue that goes to nowhere, maybe a wood stove sometime in the long past, or the hopes of adding one downstairs that never got added. So we can seal that one up. And extend the chimney because it is way too short for the size of the fireplace. Since the chimney is at the back of the house isn’t a show piece anyhow, it can be done more economically with stainless steel. Yippee, something is going my way!

One of the things I did learn, if I allow myself to focus again, since the chimney is clearly well in the hands of the experts and on the mend, is that facing emotional issues is so unappealing.  But so necessary. I took out my coping tool bag, and started using the tools  I encourage my clients to use, the ones I teach them to fill their emotional emergency healing kits with.

• I cried
• I cried on my friends and my sister’s shoulders and got hugs and pats and encouraging words
• I admitted I was human
• I admitted that I needed help
• I walked the dog
• I talked
• I journaled
• I did something I loved: I sat down at my loom and wove, which leaves me peaceful
• Every time the hurt started welling up into anger, I stopped and got quiet
• I focused on doing something that was not self-destructive
• I made myself eat, and sleep and took special care dressing
•  I talked some more
• I used Reiki on myself, and some visioning and hypnosis
• I did allow myself to get angry, to admit it. Not rageful, but angry, ouch, it hurt. And I thought the anger wouldn’t go away, and I’ll be darned if it didn’t start ebbing away when I admitted it, gave it voice, honored it. I did not need to act out in a vicious way. Ok, maybe a few snarky remarks to the offenders, but even that has melted away.
• I had to do many of those things over and over again, when I really wanted to do one and be cured. One time walking the dog, one journal entry and magically gone. Nope, reality is I sometimes had to use a tool only 15 minutes after getting some relief from that tool or another.

It worked, it does work, and I am humbler and stronger for it. As someone who means a great deal to me once said: “Another f-king opportunity for growth.”

I wish you gift of knowing that if you use the tools when you need to, then you will grow.