Mindfulness and Multi-tasking

April 3, 2009 by

I wonder if you can use mindfulness and multi-tasking in the same sentance, or at the same time.

I thought I was a brilliant multi-tasker when I was listening to audiobooks while surfing on the web; maybe at first, but then I realized I had to keep backing up the audiobook to get the parts I missed.  I found myself daydreaming or planning my next blog post or shopping list while doing other mundane tasks, like taking care of the rabbits.

Then, the other day, with an armload of empty rabbit water bottles, I missed a step down from the bunny porch, and hit the floor hard, twisting and spraining my foot in the process. What was I thinking about? Couldn’t tell you now, but it must have been important at the time.   What I wasn’t doing was paying attention to what I was doing in the moment, not noticing where my feet were.  I certainly wasn’t being spiritual, taking joy in the everyday tasks, or even being present for what I was doing.  Lesson learned, I commit to being present where I am in the moment, and to be grateful for even the most mundane of tasks.

When I was in graduate school, one of the men in my class was, still is, a Tibetian monk. Just listening to him speak, or sitting near him was a calming experiencel. I remember him sharing that even for a monk, remembering to be mindful, slow and careful is challenging in New York City. So easy to get caught up in the moment and movement, and to forget what is important. Isn’t that espeically so with the so called mundane or daily tasks? Hurry up and get it done so that I can….can whatever else I really want to do.

I heard a story on NPR about teens who are multitasking with computer, email, texting and maybe phone at the same time. All those opportunities are there, but can you really do them all at the same time? Exactly at the same time?

So today’s suggestion is to be present in the moment, to focus on what you are doing and clear the other things from your mind.  Finishing what you are doing is the goal before you start something else. And maybe redefine finishing. When I am sitting down to write and article, or weave at my loom, finishing may mean focusing on what I am doing for whatever the allotted time is. I may not finish that 15 foot rag rug runner before I get up from the loom, but I will have enjoyed the hour or so that I have sat at the loom, coming away feeling inspired and refreshed.

To your mental wellness!

Filed Under: Mindfulness, self-awareness, self-care

How can I help?

March 10, 2009 by

Come on in, have a seat. How can I help? What brings you here today? office072

Let’s talk about what you think the problem is; what have you done about it in the past; what do you think you want to do about it now. We’ll talk about how to develop emotional skills to deal with the problem. And we’ll identify milestones and markers so you know you are making progress. Together,  we can find the inner wisdom you may not realize that you have, and develop inner strength to affect your “outer” life.

Some sessions you may just need to talk, to have someone hold that sacred space for you to feel comfortable to say what you need to say. Some sessions, you may do more listening when you are learning about skills, and some sessions may be very active where you practice the skills so that you can use them when you get home, get to work or get in the car.

I am a big believer in mindfulness and empowerment. As an adjunct to your therapy sessions, I often recommend books, articles and websites that relate to what we are working on. In line with a mind-body-spirit  philosophy, we might talk about what kind of exercise or movement you are getting or could benefit from. What are you eating? How do you feel after you eat sugar or caffeine. And what moves your spirit?

Today’s reading recommendation can benefit almost anyone:

Happier by Tal Ben-Shahar, Ph. D.

Filed Under: Mindfulness, Recommend reading

Psycho what?

March 9, 2009 by

Sometimes people ask me what I do. Often, when I say I am a therapist, they ask what kind of therapist: massage? physical? No, I tell me, psychotherapist. Ohhhhhhh, I see, they murmur, as they slowly back away from me. I think some people get hung up on the “psycho” part. And if they are saavy enough, they may ask my specialty. And when I say addictions, if I am lucky, I get a chuckle and a story; sometimes I am suddenly standing alone.

Okay, it’s not always that bad, but some folks do think that therapy is for crazy people. The politically correct term would be Mentally Ill. Mentall Illness occurs on a spectrum from mild to severe, but is not the only reason someone would seek out therapy. Problems with addictions is one reason, whether you are an addict or alcoholic looking to stop using, or a a family member who is affected by addiction in the family.  A crisis or change in life circumstances is what brings many people in to therapy, where they can talk in a safe place, and develop emotional skills to bring their life back into balance.

Stress is a big reason someone might seek out psychotherapy. Life in general can be stressful, and techniques for dealing with stress make life easier. Just listening to the news today is especially stressful, to say nothing of talking to the neighbors and finding out who lost their job this week. And wondering if you are next. Or watching prices go up. Of worrying about the future for your children. Or just the overwhelming choices we face everyday, and to fit in all that we have committed to.  What if you have a child, or spouse or good friend heading for Iraq or Afghanistan? And…..well, I am sure you can fill in the blank for yourself.

One tip for dealing with stress is to learn to breathe. No, I mean really breathe. We tend to be high chest breathers, somewhat shallow breathing. If you take yoga or meditation classes, you are introduced to breathing. You can learn to breathe deeply, more slowly, giving your body more oxygen when the blood flows. A few deep, slow breaths can clear you head, even energize you.

Don’t think you have the time?   Make the time; it’s easier than you think. How about 5 minutes at your desk, instead of jumping up for a cup of coffee at break time, take off your shoes, sit back in your chair, drop your shoulders while you close your eyes and take in a deep breath. Slowly fill your lungs, count 1 to 5. Then slowly release the breath, counting back 5 to 1. Ahhhhhhhhh. Do that a few times, then open you eyes, put your shoes back on, and get on with the day.

Filed Under: Addiction, Therapy and counseling

Welcome to my office!

March 8, 2009 by

Last Monday was a snowy, winter wonderland in Northern NJ, again. A great day to snuggle in and prorastinate. Alas, now the snow is melted and spring is in the air,so there is no excuse to procrastinate. So without further ado, Welcome to my office!

 

This is the door of my main office; I do have a home office in Vernon, if you live in that area. The main office is located in Montville Twp, in the town on Pine Brook, NJ at 339 Changbridge Road.  As you can see, I have a few partners, who offers a variety of services, including DBT, Holistic Health Counseling, and child psychology.

 

 

The waiting room is open and airy, and you can make yourself a cup of coffee or herbal tea while you wait.  Waiting time is usually short, as I book one appointment every hour.

 

I am very excited that we recently expanded, which gave us a larger waiting area, and a nice sized multi-purpose room; where we offer group therapy, training and personal growth seminars and workshops.

Filed Under: Therapy and counseling

Keeping it simple

February 1, 2009 by

That is the best way I can think to start blogging. Just setting up a blog is exciting and a little overwhelming!  So many options, so many directions, so many distractions!

So, to keep it simple, I’ll start with some basics about addiction and options and opportunities for moving into recovery.

As far a language and defintions, I will use the word addict to include those addicted to all drugs, including alcohol will strive to speak in gender neutral language.

One definition of addiction is the inabilty to stop using substances in spite of negative consequences. This can apply to self-destructive behaviors, such as gambling and overeating. The negative consequences generally continue to escalate, and the risks of continuing to use increase.

The concept of recovery also has many descriptions and definitions. Probably the simplest expectation is abstinence. A better description of recovery is the journey of getting and remaining abstinent, and is a more active experience. It is a time of enlightenment and joy, of struggle and self-acceptance. And a time when a support network is imperative.

A support network varies from person to person, but includes other sober and recovery people, family and friends. Friends and family often want to help and support, but don’t know how. They have their own recovery process, and need to learn more about addiction and recovery, the addict’s and their own.

Traditional recovery programs are 12-step based, and introduce addicts to 12-step recovery programs, such as AA and NA, to support their ongoing abstinence and recovery efforts. Other programs exist that are not 12-step based, and are often not in insurance networks; some are not in for good reasons, but others could benefit those for whom 12-step is not successful or of interest.

I fear this a somewhat heretical statement for me, as my initial training was in 12-step recovery programs. Over the years, I have seen many clients, in program and in my private practice succeed utilizing 12-step recovery programs. Others have not, for a variety of reasons. In the “old days” , these clients were told they were failures, that even if they were abstinent, they would fail if they did not embrace 12-step programs.; that they were “dry drunks.”Some did fail; other succeeded, and developed a solid pattern of abstinence, and a rewarding, successful life.

So which is the best approach? That varies from individual to individual. In my experience, the one factor that determines whether or not a person succeeds is a desire to do so. That is, that the person wants to recover. Can willpower alone do it? Maybe for some. It is more the concept of willingness, a willingness to do whatever it takes, to get on and stay on the path of recovery.

 

Suggested Readings:

AA and NA literature

The Tao of Sobriety by David Gregson and Jay S. Efran, PH.D.

Mindful Recovery: A Spiritual Path to Healing from Addictions by Thomas and Beverly Bien

The Thirst for Wholeness: Attachment, Addiction, and the Spiritual Path by Christina Grof

Filed Under: Addiction, Alcoholism, Recovery, Therapy and counseling
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