Breaking out and opening up

February 21, 2011 by

Yes, it’s been a while, a time of transition (therapist use of self as model for healing).  Lots has been happening to my mindset as I learn about good business practices, marketing (gasp), and creating a business plan and direction for my therapy and coaching practice. And haven’t I just been thrilled with all the warts I’ve noticed about myself during the process (NOT!).  It has been necessary, and in the end, empowering.

Often ,we get signs and signals from Great Spirit, or Higher Power or the Cosmos, whomever you conceptualize. Today I got a message that really sums up the past 6 months: Breaking out and opening up.

The message itself was a little amusing and a little frustrating. It’s Sunday, and I had to go to the grocery store. Of course, there are long lines, and some flaring tempers.  The cashier picked up my plastic container of organic eggs, and the container popped open and launched an egg. She looked up at the line queuing at her register, and asked if I wanted her to get me another container of eggs.  I offered to run for the eggs while she bagged the rest of my order. 

I came back and put my prize in a bag and checked out. By the time I got to the car, this container had popped open, but the bag caught the eggs, and none were lost. Instead of grumbling, since I already had a bad enough day with an earlier migraine, I stopped, saw the eggs weren’t broken, but them back into the container and took a breath.

Now I could wonder why they were in plastic rather than a paper carton, since there were, after all organic eggs; I could notice that it looks like the container might have been previously opened and not closed correctly, although you can see all that all the eggs are intact without opening plastic container, as opposed to a paper carton (hmmmmmm!).  I chose, instead to stop, take a breath, and wonder what the message might be in two egg containers opening:  Breaking out and opening up. Which is exactly what I have been preparing to do for the past 6 months, personally and professionally. And here I thought I was just stuck.

Do you ever feel stuck? Like you are paralyzed, or spinning your wheels?  Here are a few helpful tips to deal with it:

1. Stop, take a breath

2. Be gentle with yourself; beating yourself up will only paralyze you further

3. Ask for help! Find a therapist or a coach who can help you identify what is keeping you stuck. Then help you develop a plan. Sometimes, therapy will help you get to the bottom of the obstacle and no amount of coaching will. Sometimes, a good coach and a good plan will get you in the flow.

Here’s to moving forward and creating a life worth living!

Filed Under: Mindfulness, self-awareness

ACK! Where does the time go?

August 14, 2010 by

Are you like me? Do you have all these great ideas that stay in your head but don’t get down on paper or onto your blog? What holds you back? Do you procrastinate, are you shy, too busy or disorganized?

I find that I have my greatest ideas driving to work, a somewhat lengthy commute of about 45 minutes. Or just as I drift off to sleep. Drat!

Here are two ideas that I am committing to do. Not try, you don’t try you do or you don’t do.

  • put my journal and a pen and sharpened pencil on my nightstand
  • use a digital recorder in the car

I am also getting a coaching buddy to help me with some other projects. I want to have ideas to make the best use of our time, and recording the ideas will have me prepared to develop my action plans, instead of looking all over for my ideas. I feel pretty strongly about my ideas, it the action where I need the support.

So, how about you? Who is your support? When will you start organizing you ideas so you will take ACTION!

Filed Under: healthy habits

Spring Cleaning

June 6, 2010 by

Although it has been near 90 degrees several days here in NJ, it is still officially spring. Good thing, since I still have tons of spring cleaning to do before summer. Then I look around at all the tasks I have been putting off, and I want to hop back into bed and pull the covers up over my head and hope the fairies will come in and magically do it all for me. Can you relate?

So I decided to act like a grown-up, and pick a place to start. I did hear the bed calling, but I persisted. I started with my cell phone, actually Blackberry. I’ve only had it a few months, and there is a lot to learn about it. Like how to set it up to sync with my Outlook calendar and address book. It’s been a great learning experience, and frustrating too. Who are all these people? And how come some of them are in there twice, no, three, wait, FOUR times??????

I glued myself to the chair, and went through each entry, deleting all the duplicates and unknowns.  The process of getting the phone numbers from the old phone to the Blackberry was somewhat complicated, as I had to do it via Outlook. Which resulted not only in phone numbers but email contacts as well. I think I finally have the sync setting worked out, and the “device” cleared of what doesn’t belong there. First sync since the clean-up seems to have worked.

Go figure, I had been avoiding that one for, well, months. It took the better part of two hours, and was so worth the investment of my time.  The key was FOCUS:

First I set the goal: clean up the contact list so that I didn’t have to spend so much time searching for the number I was looking for

Second, I thought about how things would be after I completed the task: created a clear vision.

Third, I committed to the task. I ignored the breakfast dishes, and pushed back thoughts about the new audio book I just checked out from the library and the 2 yards left I have to weave on an exchange project.  I went through the contacts one at a time, and avoided trying to figure out how to select and delete several entries at a time.  As I reached the last sip of coffee in my cup, I realized I was already on “s” with only a few more letters to go. In a few more minutes, I had completed the goal!

Yippee! Celebration!

I feel lighter! I feel proud! I feel inspired!

I feel energized enough to move onto the next task. I will not think so hard about which one should be the priority. I will take the next one that makes me feel weighed down. Probably the breakfast dishes. And after two smaller successes, I think I will have the energy to weave some of that yardage, which is actually relaxing. Maybe not what I should be doing when there are rabbit cages to clean and the entryway to paint.  I’m thinking if I ignore the should and celebrate with a relaxing, fun activity, I will have renewed energy for the not so fun ones.

What do you think?

Filed Under: clearing clutter, goals

Time to calm down

April 1, 2010 by

And enjoy! It was a lovely day today, started a little chilly, but warmed beautifully as the day progressed. I live in NJ, and things have been more than a little damp here. Of course I forgot about that when I flew off to the office today, and had to detour around my usual route, which floods readily and easily. On a hot summer day, the water, well, swamp I guess, is on both sides of that road, and the water is always nearly at the road anyhow, so it doesn’t take too much rain to allow it to flow over the road.  More rain leaves it impassable to cars. 

Then there’s the cresting rivers a few days after the rain, which leaves some roads that had been passable suddenly closed.  My office is surprisingly close to a river, I believe a part of the Passaic (note to self to check on that one).  Today, the road was open, but I wonder if it will still be by Saturday. Two rains ago, the flooding was worse after the rain stopped; hence my quick education on cresting rivers. You’d think I’d have known that by now; oh well.

Although my home was not in an area that was under water, it is built into a hill. The ground became so saturated over the past few weeks, that some water did seep into the basement. I felt very grateful that I could manage it with towels, lots of towels, a mop and 2 dehumidifiers.  It was more like a huge puddle, and didn’t flow onto anything that wasn’t safely living in plastic tubs already.

This is, of course, to the hypnotherapist, a wonderful bounty of metaphor opportunities.  Emotions, especially anger, can just keep building up, hiding underground so that you don’t see them, don’t realize they are there until they leak in, eventually even flooding in.  Self-care is so important at these times.  Addiction treatment talks about HALT, being hungry, angry, lonely and tired as a trigger to relapse. That is so true, and being mindful helps one take the actions when they recognize any or all of these symptoms. The actions of talking to others; meditation; nutrition and watching caffeine and sugar intake; taking your medication if indicated; exercise or yoga are only a few of the options.

What if, however, you haven’t recognized the anger yet? Your ground is saturated, but you don’t see/feel it yet.  Do you need to wait until it leaks in? Floods over your road? Do you need to wait until you become angry, rageful, hopeless, self-destructive?  Absolutely not!  As you learn to live mindfully, some other thoughts may begin to occur to you; you notice what is going on around you. You notice your emotional rain, from the very first drop. You remember that the ground, your ground, can only hold so much before it becomes saturated. You remember that the rivers get full, flood even, then a few days later, when it seems they should be receding, they crest and may flood again.  Unlike the weather, we can intervene when we feel the first emotional drops of rain. We can prevent the ground from getting oversaturated, the river from cresting.  Or, we can wait with an armload of towels and a head full of every alternate route to get where we want to go.  How will you choose to live your life?

Filed Under: Mindfulness, nutrition, self-awareness, self-care

It’s a family dis-ease

March 27, 2010 by

I have seen some examples recently that remind me how much families are affected by mental illness and addiction.  The family intentionally or unintentionally does a dance around the mental illness sufferer or addict.  This is often labeled as enabling, but I have found it to be exacerbated by the lack of education, intervention, support and resources for the family members.

In some cases, the “identified patient” (IP) , the addict or severely mentally ill person has declined treatment, or will not comply with treatment recommendation such as AA, abstinence, therapy and/or medications.  Many families do not know what to do that this point, where to turn, who to ask. Families of addicts are told to attend Al-anon or Nar-anon and “work on themselves.” This is a very good recommendation, but they often need more: education, options, resources, coaching. Sometimes, they just want to ask questions like what can the addicted person expect in treatment? In AA or NA? What will change for them and us if our “IP”  takes medication, or gets sober or whatever.  A professional if better prepared to answer these questions more objectively and help the family develop a game plan, goals and initiate self-care whether or not the IP is getting treatment.

Even when the “IP” is getting treatment, family members feel left out or that they are walking on eggshells. They do not know if they can ask questions, let alone what questions to ask and how to ask them. They are reluctant to express their own concern and feelings, even optimism.  This is especially true of families with young adults who still live at home. They may understandably want to limit the family’s ability to “butt” in by not signing releases of information. At the very time the family can help, the young adult, addict or mentally ill, will decide to exert their independence.  I’m not talking about crashing boundaries here, but understanding how to communicate and realizing how all family members are affected. In fact, it is often a time to establish or reestablish boundaries, and redefine private vs. secret. It’s a time to visualize mental illness into mental wellness.

Yes, family members do need to do things to take care of themselves, but they often desperately want to know how to help the IP, and don’t want to be told to” butt out, it’s their problem. ” If they can learn healthy ways to help and support the IP while taking care of themselves, the process is less painful.

In response to this need, I will be launching my Recovery Coaching products and services over the next few months. In short, the goal is to teach families how to recover from the impact of addiction or mental illness in their family. How to return to or create equilibrium. How to set goals as a family and as individuals that promote health and a peaceful spirit.

Additionally,  many recovering addicts/alcoholics get to a point in their recovery when they no longer need therapy, but need help to envision the next step in their life journey. They may need to work on certain areas within their recovery that do not get addressed in 12-step meetings, such as mindfulness, nutrition, “secondary” addictive behaviors such as food or love.

So what can you do today? Well, you just did something by reading this post.

What else? Talk to the “IP” in your family, and simply remind them “I love you and I care about you.”

How about telling yourself: “I love you and I care about you.”

Start to learn about mindfulness: Take a few moments to sit quietly and focus on where you are in the moment. Notice where you are sitting, what is around you. Observe or witness your thoughts: who are you thinking about and how does that change when you sit quietly and simply breathe. Close your eyes, count 5-4-3-2-1 slowly, then open your eyes.  You may be surprised and delighted how centering and refreshing a mini-mind-vacation can be.

To your mental wellness!

Filed Under: health, mental illness, Mindfulness, Recovery, self-care

Who’s the problem with your healthcare?

March 12, 2010 by

Probably that would be the insurance company. I have been on hold for 10 minutes now, 10 minutes that I could be doing something else productive; 10 minutes that I could be doing some research or treatment planning for you. But no, I have to stay on the phone to beg for 6 or 8 sessions from the insurance company to help you.  And this is when you opt to use your out of network benefits, which you pay more for: you have a higher co-payment every session.

The insurance company will do it ‘s best to get information from me to justify your treatment; meaning, they don’t trust the therapist who is sitting right across from you to judge what might help you best. I know this, I worked for CIGNA a number of years ago. I finally got so appalled by what I had to ask, and how I was unable to authorize treatment that I had to leave. And take a pretty big pay cut. That should tell you something. (PS, I have been on hold for 17 that’s SEVENTEEN minutes now).

So here’s the point: Members need to speak up to the insurance companies and to their Human Services Departments. Probably a little more calmly than I did to Rosa, who took my clinical information and was somewhat insulted that I asked what her credentials were.  The price of your coverage goes up at whatever rate the insurance companies deem; oh, and your co-pays usually go up as the price of your coverage goes up, and often, covered services decrease.

I heard on NPR  a few weeks ago some excerpts from hearing about Blue Cross Blue Shield in CA. I was so shocked that the insurance company representative speaking could report with a straight face that her salary with in the millions, with just her bonuses in the $750,000 range. Is it the actual health care that costs, or the administration of it?

Filed Under: health, health insurance

Rogue therapist raves again!

February 5, 2010 by

That’s it, I will have to change the name of my blog. Or stop listening to the radio and watching TV.

So, in spite of my better judgement, I’m watching the news to get a hint about the upcoming storm of the century.  Not that the weather predictions have been all that accurate, but that’s OK, I’m not much of an alarmist. I live in New Jersey. It gets cold here. It snows here. But I should have turned off the TV after the forecast, before the story about vitamin infused Vodka. Oh for Pete’s sake, who the Hell thought that one up? To reduce hangovers? I’m thinking drinking less is what reduces hangovers. But hey, I’ve only been an addictions counselor for 23 years, and done my own research before that. What would I know?

Filed Under: Alcoholism, healthy habits

Just can’t stay mute on this one

January 19, 2010 by

Okay, that’s it! I have spent my entire professional career as an addictions counselor and therapist being very politically neutral in public.  I just can’t do it anymore. Maybe I will change the name of the blog to Rouge Therapist Conversations, or The Politically Incorrect Counselor.

Here’s what got me fired up enough to run to the computer with my hair still in a towel from the shower. I have been, like most of us, listening to the debates and reports and evaluations of the Health Care Bill and Reforms with interest and usually, confusion. What the Hell is it really? How will it affect me personally, as a direct purchaser of my own health insurance? How will it affect my clients? How will it affect my business?  How is Mental Health coverage affected? And what idiot thinks that Medicare actually works so well that we should model everyone’s coverage after it?

Ok, quick digression: I heard a program on NPR that talked about Medicare fraud. I was shocked and appalled. I suspect if they could manage the $64 BILLION in fraud yearly, of which last year ONLY  $4 Billion was recovered, I’m thinking they could pay the providers a living reimbursement. Here is an opportunity to develop a program of client advocacy, to help those covered by medicare who are most susceptible to fraudulent use of their information to understand what it means.  To help clients take an active interest in their health care and really know what is happening to and for them. To help them monitor their care and navigate the Medicare and Health Care System maze.  How about that for a good use of AARP lobbying and money. I think I will suggest it to them, as a members (you get your invitation at age 50, but that is another digression).

Ok, back to today. I am listening to NPR’s program “Tell Me More.”  Yet another discussion about Health Care Reform and how it is and could play out in the Senate is the late Ted Kennedy’s seat is not won by a democrat. And here’s what blew me away: the abortion coverage issue.   Clearly I need to read up some more on this , but apparently some anti-abortion senator from  somewhere in the mid-west wants to separate out the abortion coverage. In other words, if you want the abortion coverage, you have to write a separate check for it. HUH????????

Who the heck thinks a woman PLANS to have an unplanned  pregnancy and get an abortion. What misogynist thought that one up? That has got to be one of the most absurd things I have ever heard.

Oh, I’d better pay for this coverage just in case  I need it?  Better to use your money to pay your bills, or save it , or purchase birth control. Better to put the government money toward compassionate education about sex, sexuality, family planning and birth control.

I would truly hope this absurdity doesn’t actually pass; I’m just floored that a discussion like this would actually come up.

All righty then, my blood pressure is back to normal, and the hair dryer is plugged in.

Filed Under: health, health insurance, Politically incorrect

accomplishments

November 9, 2009 by

Whew, what a great day!  I got a lot accomplished, some of which I wasn’t expecting to have time to do. It helped balance out the unexpected changes in the day’s schedule.

Although I don’t consider myself a teacher, in many ways it seems to come naturally to me. I am used to the role of therapist/teacher/counselor/coach on a small scale, usually 1 to 1. I haven’t been working with groups often since I stopped working in intensive outpatient programs, which I miss very much.  (grist for later posts on the groups and seminars coming in January 2010 at my office and via teleseminar). Anyhow, I taught a technique to the members of one of my weaving guilds, and we all had a grand time. After I got over my dry mouth and forgetting my great ice-breaker jokes and fabulous self-introduction, I found my rhythm and totally forgot that I was nervous.  Should have done my self-hypnosis before rather than after the anxiety bit, but it worked itself out.

I have to do that again sometimes, the teaching. Yes, and the self-hypnosis. It is nice to have the hypnotherapist guild you through a healing trance, but it is also very empowering to elicit change in yourself.  The self-hypnosis in between the sessions with the hypnotherapist really support the continued change and growth, especially with issues like anxiety, weight management and smoking cessation.

So riding on the high from the workshop (yes, for you addicts reading this, there are things you can do to have a good time without drinking and drugging!), I came home and set a few goals to make the best use of that cheerful, positive energy. My poor old Yorkie isn’t so happy with that; the old guy is almost 16, suffering from chronic kidney disease and is mostly blind. He may be going deaf also, but it is hard to know if it selective or real….he’s always been pretty independent and commands like “come” and “stop” have never meant much to him. I’ve been promising him a bath for a few weeks, and finally got him in the tub today. I feel wonderful that I accomplished that; he’s still wrapped in a towel and blanket, shivering and looking at me with a glare somewhere between pity and loathing. But he smells good and he’s nice and clean, and he’s really going to be in an uproar when I get the nail clippers out in a few minutes. Good, check another thing off the list!

Some cooking is on the agenda for tonight also. One of the biggest helps in creating a healthy body and weight is avoiding processed foods with additives, lots of salt and sugar in their many disguised forms, and “bad” fats. Just by cooking my whole grains and veggies myself, I can avoid those additives. I can add in good fats, like avocados and olive oil. I can also cook ahead for a few days, and prepare a few meals myself to keep in the fridge. We all like convenience, and the time I spend cooking and making more than one meal at a time gives me the convenience of reaching into the fridge without the consequence of processed foods.

I must also mention that I cook for the Yorkie. I read the label on the prescription dog food that is recommended, and shivered. Yuk! So I did some research, and came up with natural diet recommendations for canine kidney disease. So I cook for all of us at once. I can cook 2 batches of yummy beef /rice and sweet potato/egg/veggies for him and it lasts a week.  And except for the beef  or chicken and raw eggs, we pretty much eat the same thing. I won’t digress today on why our pets seem to be developing illnesses like obesity, kidney disease and cancer. Yes, environment and genetics are  factors for animals as well as people, but we can certainly impact our health and the health of our pets by what we feed all of us.

To end the day, a little zen knitting. Ahhhhhhhh!

Filed Under: hypnosis, meditaiton, Mindfulness, nutrition, relaxation, self-awareness, self-care, stress management

What to expect in therapy

October 30, 2009 by

After the question how much, the question how long is often asked. How long will this take, how long do I have to come?  It’s a fair question, but not always easy to answer. If you enter a program, such as an addiction treatment program, you are usually given an expected length of stay, such as 5 days, 3 weeks, 2-5 months. This should be based on accomplishing the goals of treatment, or your treatment plan.

In individual therapy, the length of treatment is not as clear. It depends on what issues you wish to resolve, and how long it takes to resolve them. It is based on the definition of “resolve” that you and your therapist work out.  Does resolve mean the issue is completely gone from you life? Does resolve mean you can function relatively well on a daily basis, but still have some occasional, lingering emotional distress.

It can also depend on the type of therapy and therapeutic process just a few of which are: cognitive therapy, brief therapy, solution focused, psychodynamic, hypnosis, DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy).

Most of the time, I see clients between 6 months to two years.  Again, that depends on what your goals are, and what the problems you want to resolve are. After the acute stage, the crisis or final straw that brings you to therapy is managed,  the next stages of healing can be the focus.  Maintainance and ongoing support continue as long as it is beneficial to the you.  This is evaluated and discussed as therapy continues.  It is optimal that you and I, client and therapist agree when it is time to close, and set the goal to complete the treatment.

Sometimes, a “refresher” helps someone get through a tough time, or as my therapist used to say tripping over a wrinkle in the carpet.   Sometimes, you, a client, needs a break to process information, to practice living life with new ideas, coping skills and emotional clarity. I have client who came for therapy for about a year. She felt that she had gotten what she needed. She returned to treatment about 8 months later, ready to deal with the next “layer” of healing.  She commented that she feels that she is making progress so much faster now than during the first year. Indeed, she seems to be taking quantum leaps in emotional healing.  What a joy to be along on her journey!

Some clients may find that psychotherapy, or even addictions treatment is not what they need. They need support and feedback on another level, a level that has to do with personal growth and little to do with a “diagnosis”.  For these clients, coaching, or life coaching is a good fit.  More about coaching in future posts. Maybe it’s for you!

To your well-being!

Filed Under: coaching, self-awareness, Therapy and counseling
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